Learning to recognize judgmental labels
In the spirit of Non-Violent Communication, I’ve today tried to pay more attention to my thoughts and notice any judgments or labels that I apply to other people that are actually disguised indications of my own needs.
The first one that I noticed was this: within a few weeks I’ll be a visiting instructor at a science camp, teaching things to a bunch of teens and preteens. I was thinking of how I’d start my lessons, pondered how to grab their attention, and then noticed myself having the thought, “these are smart kids, I’m sure they’ll give me a chance rather than be totally unruly from the start”.
Two judgements right there: “smart” and “unruly”. Stopped for a moment’s reflection. I’m going to the camp because I want the kids to learn things that I feel will be useful for them, yes, but at the same time I also have a need to feel respected and appreciated. And I feel uncertain of my ability to get that respect from someone who isn’t already inclined to view me in a favorable light. So in order to protect myself, I’m labelling kids as “smart” if they’re willing to give me a chance, implying that if I can’t get through to some particular one, then it was really their fault rather than mine. Even though they might be uninterested in what I have to say for reasons that have nothing to do with smarts, like me just making a boring presentation.
Ouch. Okay, let me reword that original thought in non-judgemental terms: “these are kids who are voluntarily coming to a science camp and who I’ve been told are interested in learning, I’m sure they’ll be willing to listen at least to a bit of what I have to say”.
There. Better.
This work by Kaj Sotala is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
In addition to making a public comment, you may also send me anonymous feedback.